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Why is the 19.9.0 Release Update not available yet for MY platform?

I’ve had a week off and tried to relax and stay away from work topics (which worked quite well this time). The downside is 300+ emails in the inbox. And I spotted several ones already asking: Why is the 19.9.0 Release Update not available yet for MY platform?

Details for Patch 123456789 not found.

At first, this is not a uncommon question. And the root cause is two-fold. As you know from my quarterly blog posts such as Patching all my environments with the October 2020 Patch Bundles, these notes are important:

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